Is there such a thing as too much authenticity? I’m beginning to think so. After missions, I am very used to sharing very candidly and honestly about everything I’m feeling and going through. In fact, I often feel like, unless I’m telling you everything, in some way, I’m not being real.

Most people haven’t been missionaries, though, and haven’t experienced life in community like I have. While some may find my consistent soul-baring refreshing, I get the feeling that a lot of them are simply annoyed.

Sorry, y’all.

So, in an effort to concentrate my sharing into one fell swoop, here are things that are completely new to me after being in missions for four years right after college:

  • bills. People were incredibly generous to us as missionaries, so a lot of those daily life things were taken care of. I also had no student loans or major debt after college, and I kept other expenses to a minimum.
  • buying a car. I mean, I did it. It was terrifying. I took out my first loan, made my first downpayment, paid for my first tank of gas, bought car insurance. Some people do this in high school, college, or the age of 22. Hello, 26-year-old-first-time-car-owner.
  • schedule. As a missionary, I had very early mornings and very late nights pretty consistently. I also had some downtime each afternoon, and a lot of our behind-the-scenes work could be done from home. Grocery shopping happened on Tuesday afternoon. If we needed to go to the dentist, doctor, or get the oil changed in a mission car, we could go at (almost) any time of the day. As most people who are 26 already know, when you have a 8:00-5:00 job, you can’t just do these things when it works for you—you have to work around work. That usually means that by the time I find myself at the grocery store, I’m exhausted, all the sale items are picked clean, and all we can safely assume I’ll leave the store with each week is Oreos and beer.
  • making time for prayer instead of prayer being given to me. I’ve managed to recreate some semblance of a rhythm of prayer, but I miss those daily, quiet holy hours, time to just sit and be with Jesus.

The biggest thing I’ve learned, though, is not to stay so focused on myself so as to miss what God is doing around me. It’s easy to do, if I don’t stay committed to not only praying but also to praising Him. It’s easy to forget that God is here with me and for all the times that I definitely don’t have this down, He’s got it all under control.

Slowly but surely my new life is making sense. A huge thank you to the people who walk through this adventure with me, complete with forgetfulness, complaining, tears, and little moments of grace.